Shame and our potential to experience shame can control us in ways that merit close examination and some consideration. Shame can affect the way we walk.
NO LIGHT WITHOUT DARK
From an early age we are told who we are, where we have come from and where we need to go. What job we should get, who we should be with, what possessions to aspire to own and whether to have children or not. Often this information is imparted through language, in conversation and by stories. Very often it is communicated by actions, past and present and aspirational. By compliments and criticisms but also by inaction. Often, it is the inaction we witness in response to a happening that communicates more to us than by any word or action.
All people are complex, made up of many layers of light and dark, extroversion and introversion, peace and anguish, hatred and love. The list of contradictions is endless. The contradictory nature of us all is a necessary part of the way things work, they are the mechanics or energetic dynamics of reality. There can be no push without a pull. No light without dark. No love without hate. No consistency without inconsistency. No movement without stillness. The list of contradictions is endless and to complicate things further, we generally tend to desire one of those contradictory energies over the another, from that long list of contradictions. We want more love than hate, more light than dark, more clarity and less confusion.
There can be no push without a pull. No light without dark. No love without hate. No consistency without inconsistency. No movement without stillness.
At some point in the development of our civilisation The Christians decided that it was necessary to attribute moral qualities to human emotions or feelings. Feelings motivate actions, actions make impressions that can last a long time, so we can see why the Christians made feelings or emotions the target of their investigations into the dynamics of controlling people and their behaviour. They invented the seven deadly sins. Many other religions also have a long list of sins, every sport has its rules, every philosophy has its rules of engagement, every corporation has its guidelines. Maybe it’s fair to suggest that many problems begin as soon as you attribute a moral value to a human emotion or condition. By doing this, you unnecessarily and instantly create an environment where people feel the necessity to hide things. People start hiding their emotions and learn quickly what face to show the world in order to achieve what most humans aspire to achieve, some degree of acceptance in the group of which they are part, starting with their family and expanding out as far as the internet currently allows.. For example, I must not feel angry because when I do people will think I am a bad person because anger is bad, and not only is it bad, it is a sin. And in world that worships money, anger is now not only morally reprehensible it is also generally recognised as being, bad for business. Smiling, happy, people sell and buy things with more ease and fluidity.
FIRE UNDER THE BED
Anger can lead to hurt and for sure we must be careful when we are angry but much more importantly, we must learn to understand the dynamics of our anger1. In the way a mechanic can understand how an engine works. The spark plug creates an explosion in a chamber that forces the piston up and down and so the wheels go around.
Because anger is bad, we find ways to hide it. But it can be like trying to hide a fire under a bed. It’s all good until the bed starts to burn, risking the life of the person who buried the fire under the bed but also his or her partner or children who may also be sleeping in the same house.
Shame is what motivates the person to hide their fire under a bed and shame is contingent on a metric that attributes a moral value, both negative and positive to an emotion that it is normal to any human experience.
A person who gets angry a lot but who consistently hides their genuine feeling begins to look like a pot that had been cooking on fire for far too long. They suffer terribly. Their suffering will one day force them to address the issue that is driving their anger. And in doing so they will eventually have to find a way to heal that part of their being that has been, at some point in their development, compromised.
Anger can lead to hurt and for sure we must be careful when we are angry but much more importantly we must learn to understand the dynamics of our anger.
Empires use shame to control their conquered subjects. They attribute moral value to certain types of behaviour, or put more simply, they make it clear to their subjects that if they speak and behave like their conquerors, they will be valued and protected, but if they behave like one of their own people, they will be diminished. This ideology is then supported by a little torture, murder, starvation and death and within a generation, almost everyone will be speaking the language, wearing the cloths and behaving like one of the conquering army.
If you drink poison, it will make you sick. If you drink clean, fresh water, it will make you feel good. The sickness after imbibing the poison is teaching you, not to drink that poison again. The pain created by a destructive outburst of rage, is teaching you, telling you to look at yourself, to work out what is behind the rage.
INVOKING THE SHADOW
The actions we label as sinful need no moral attributes, their quality is implicit or integral to their meaning. All our actions good and bad have consequences, long term and short, anyone can understand this, if they just take a little time to reflect upon it.
Everything we eat affects us, everything we take in affects us, and that includes everything that comes in through the eyes, ears, noise and mouth and skin.
Good ingestion will result in good digestion. Only the individual will know what is good and what is bad from them by paying attention to how they experience reality.
Shame, an energy so successfully used to manipulate people is so potent than it can eventually define a person, even the shape they carry themselves in as they walk down the street. Shame affects the way we walk.
It’s impossible to see something if the lights are turned off. Shame invokes the shadow, it calls up the dark. I say, drag yours sins (gently) out into the open. The actions (the sins) themselves if they are implicitly bad will already have caused you a great deal of pain. And that should be enough already. We should always try and move to digest that pain and excrete it away and leave it in the ground where it will help the trees to grow. We must try not to carry pain around on our backs, under or skins or in our throats.
Do not get used to pain, it is not the most skilful way to be in the world. You need to move through the pain and find an ease within yourself and within the world. Your actions will teach you everything you need to know. Either good or bad. There is no need for shame.
Michael Keegan Dolan, 2021
Is féidir le náire agus ár n-acmhainneacht náire a rialú sinn a rialú ar bhealaí ar fiú scrúdú géar agus roinnt machnaimh a dhéanamh orthu. Is féidir le náire dul i bhfeidhm ar an mbealach a shiúlann muid.
níl solas ann gan dorcha
Cuirtear in iúl dúinn ó aois an-óg cé muid féin, cá as a tháinig muid agus cá gcaithfimid dul. Cén post ba cheart dúinn a fháil, cé leis ar cheart dúinn a bheith, cad iad na sealúchais ar mian leo a bheith acu agus cibé acu leanaí a bheith againn nó nach bhfuil. Go minic tugtar an fhaisnéis seo trí theanga, i gcomhrá agus trí scéalta. Go minic cuirtear in iúl é trí ghníomhartha, san am a chuaigh thart agus san am I láthair agus mianaidhme. Trí mholtaí agus cháineadh ach trí easpa gnímh freisin. Go minic, is é an easpa gnímh a fheiceann muid mar fhreagairt ar tharlú a chuireann níos mó cumarsáide in iúl dúinn ná trí aon fhocal nó gníomh.
Tá go leor daoine casta, comhdhéanta de shraitheanna solais agus dorcha, easaontas agus introversion, síocháin agus anachain, fuath agus grá. Níl deireadh leis an liosta contrárthachtaí a d’fhéadfaimis a dhéanamh laistigh agus/nó a chur in iúl. Is cuid riachtanach den chaoi a n-oibríonn rudaí é nádúr contrártha an bheith, is iad meicnic nó dinimic fuinniúil na réaltachta iad. Ní féidir aon bhrú a bheith ann gan tarraingt. Gan solas gan dorchadas. Gan grá gan fuath. Gan comhsheasmhacht gan neamhréireacht. Gan aon ghluaiseacht gan socracht. Tá liosta na contrárthachtaí gan teorainn agus chun rudaí a chasta a thuilleadh, is gnách linn ceann de na fuinneamh contrártha sin a mhianlú thar an gceann eile. Teastaíonn uainn níos mó grá ná gráin, níos mó solais ná dorcha, níos mó soiléire agus níos lú mearbhall.
Ní féidir brú a bheith ann gan tarraingt. Gan solas gan dorcha. Gan grá gan gráin. Gan aon chomhsheasmhacht gan neamhréireacht. Gan aon ghluaiseacht gan suaimhneas.
Ag pointe éigin i bhforbairt ár sibhialtachta Chinn na Críostaithe go raibh sé riachtanach cáilíochtaí morálta a chur i leith mothúcháin nó mothúchán an duine. Spreagann mothúcháin gníomhartha, déanann gníomhartha imprisean a mhaireann ar feadh i bhfad, ionas go bhfeicfimid cén fáth ar chuir na Críostaithe mothúcháin nó mothúcháin mar sprioc a n-imscrúduithe ar dhinimic rialú daoine agus a n-iompar. Chum siad na seacht bpeacaí marfacha. Tá liosta fada peacaí ag go leor reiligiúin eile freisin, tá a rialacha ag gach spórt, tá a rialacha rannpháirtíochta ag gach fealsúnacht, tá a threoirlínte ag gach corparáid. B’fhéidir go bhfuil sé cóir a mholadh go dtosaíonn go leor fadhbanna a luaithe a thugann tú luach morálta do mhothúchán nó do riocht an duine. Trí seo a dhéanamh, cruthaíonn tú timpeallacht gan ghá agus láithreach ina mbraitheann daoine go bhfuil sé riachtanach rudaí a cheilt. Tosaíonn daoine ag cur a gcuid mothúchán I bhfolach agus foghlaimíonn siad go gasta cén aghaidh atá le taispeáint don domhan d’fhonn an méid is mian le formhór na ndaoine a bhaint amach, glacadh go pointe áirithe leis an ngrúpa a bhfuil siad páirteach ann, ag tosú lena dteaghlach agus ag leathnú amach chomh fada leis an idirlíon. ceadaíonn sé faoi láthair. Mar shampla, caithfidh nach mbraitheann mé feargach mar nuair a dhéanaim ceapfaidh daoine gur drochdhuine mé toisc go bhfuil fearg go dona, agus ní amháin go bhfuil sé go dona, is peaca é. Agus i ndomhan a adhrann airgead, ní amháin go bhfuil fearg in-intuigthe ó thaobh moráltachta de ach aithnítear go ginearálta go bhfuil sé dona don ghnó. Ag miongháire, sona, díolann agus ceannaíonn daoine rudaí níos éasca agus níos fliche.
tine faoin leaba
D’fhéadfadh fearg a bheith mar thoradh ar fearg agus go cinnte caithfimid a bheith cúramach nuair a bhíonn fearg orainn ach níos tábhachtaí, fós ní mór dúinn foghlaim dinimic ár bhfearg a thuiscint. Ar an mbealach is féidir le meicneoir tuiscint a fháil ar an gcaoi a n-oibríonn inneall. Cruthaíonn an breiseán spréach pléascadh i ndlísheomra a chuireann an loine suas agus síos agus mar sin téann na rothaí timpeall.
Toisc go bhfuil fearg go dona, faighimid bealaí chun é a cheilt. Ach d’fhéadfadh sé a bheith cosúil le hiarracht a dhéanamh tine a cheilt faoi leaba. Is maith an rud é go dtí go dtosaíonn an leaba ag loscadh, ag cur beatha an duine a adhlacadh an tine faoin leaba ach freisin a pháirtí nó a leanaí a d’fhéadfadh a bheith ina gcodladh sa teach céanna.
Is náire an rud a spreagann an duine a dhóiteán a cheilt faoi leaba agus bíonn náire ag brath ar mhéadracht a thugann luach morálta, diúltach agus dearfach do mhothúchán gur gnáthrud é d’eispéireas daonna ar bith.
Tosaíonn duine a mbíonn fearg air go leor ach a chuireann a fhíor-mhothúchán i bhfolach i gcónaí ag breathnú cosúil le pota a bhí ag cócaireacht trí thine le fada ró-fhada. Tá siad ag fulaingt go mór. Cuirfidh a bhfulaingt lá amháin iallach orthu aghaidh a thabhairt ar an gceist atá ag tiomáint a gcuid feirge. Agus é sin á dhéanamh beidh orthu bealach a aimsiú sa deireadh chun an chuid sin dá bhfuil ann a cuireadh i gcontúirt, ag pointe éigin ina bhforbairt, a leigheas.
D’fhéadfadh fearg a bheith mar thoradh ar fearg agus go cinnte caithfimid a bheith cúramach nuair a bhíonn fearg orainn ach níos tábhachtaí fós ní mór dúinn foghlaim dinimic ár bhfearg a thuiscint.
Ag pointe éigin i bhforbairt ár sibhialtachta Chinn na Críostaithe go raibh sé riachtanach cáilíochtaí morBaineann impireachtaí úsáid as náire chun a n-ábhar coincréite a rialú. Tugann siad luach morálta do chineálacha áirithe iompair, nó má chuireann siad níos simplí iad, cuireann siad in iúl go soiléir dá n-ábhair go mbeidh luach agus cosaint orthu má labhraíonn siad agus má iompraíonn siad cosúil lena gconraitheoirí, ach má iompraíonn siad mar dhuine dá muintir féin, laghdófar iad. Ansin tacaítear leis an idé-eolaíocht seo le céasadh beag, dúnmharú, ocras agus bás agus laistigh de ghlúin eile, beidh beagnach gach duine ag labhairt na teanga, ag caitheamh na n-éadach agus ag iompar mar dhuine den arm.
Má ólann tú nimh, cuirfidh sé tinneas ort. Má ólann tú fíoruisce glan, cuirfidh sé mothú maith ort. Tá an breoiteacht tar éis duit an nimh a imbibiú ag múineadh duit, gan an nimh sin a ól arís. Tá an pian a chruthaíonn corraí millteach buile, ag múineadh duit, ag rá leat féachaint ort féin, a fháil amach cad atá taobh thiar den rage.
dúinn iarracht a dhéanamh i gcónaí bogadh chun an pian sin a dhíleá agus é a eisiamh agus é a fhágáil sa talamh mar a chabhróidh sé leis na crainn fás. Ní mór dúinn iarracht a dhéanamh gan pian a iompar timpeall ar ár ndroim, faoi nó craicne nó inár scornach.
ag spreagadh an scáth
Níl aon tréithe morálta ag teastáil ó na gníomhartha a ndéanaimid lipéad orthu mar ghníomhartha peacach, tá a gcáilíocht intuigthe nó lárnach dá bhrí. Bíonn iarmhairtí ag ár ngníomhartha go léir, idir mhaith agus olc,, fadtéarmach agus gearr, is féidir le haon duine é seo a thuiscint, mura dtógann sé ach beagán ama machnamh a dhéanamh air.
Bíonn tionchar ag gach rud a itheann muid orainn, bíonn tionchar ag gach rud a ghlacann muid isteach orainn, agus áirítear leis sin gach rud a thagann isteach trí na súile, na cluasa, an torann agus an béal agus an craiceann.
Beidh díleá maith mar thoradh ar ionghabháil mhaith. Ní bheidh a fhios ag ach an duine aonair cad atá go maith agus cad atá dona uathu trí aird a thabhairt ar an gcaoi a bhfaigheann siad taithí ar réaltacht.
Tá náire, fuinneamh a úsáidtear chomh rathúil chun daoine a ionramháil chomh láidir agus is féidir leis duine a shainiú sa deireadh, fiú an cruth a iompraíonn siad féin agus iad ag siúl síos an tsráid. Bíonn tionchar ag náire ar an mbealach a shiúlann muid.
Ní féidir rud a fheiceáil má dhéantar na soilse a mhúchadh. Déanann náire ionradh ar an scáth, glaonn sé suas an dorchadas. Deirim, tarraing do chuid peacaí (go réidh) amach san oscailt. Beidh na gníomhartha (na peacaí) iad féin má tá siad intuigthe go dona ina gcúis le pian mór duit cheana féin. Agus ba cheart go mbeadh dóthain ann cheana. Ba cheart dúinn iarracht a dhéanamh i gcónaí bogadh chun an pian sin a dhíleá agus é a eisiamh agus é a fhágáil sa talamh mar a chabhróidh sé leis na crainn fás. Ní mór dúinn iarracht a dhéanamh gan pian a iompar timpeall ar ár ndroim, faoi nó craicne nó inár scornach.
Ná bí i dtaithí ar phian, ní hé an bealach is sciliúla le bheith ar domhan. Caithfidh tú bogadh tríd an bpian agus éascaíocht a fháil ionat féin agus laistigh den domhan. Múinfidh do ghníomhartha gach rud a theastaíonn uait a bheith ar eolas agat. Ceachtar mhaith nó olc. Níl aon ghá le náire.
